Over the last few weeks over the holidays I have been in a constant rush to go faster, whether it’s to complete out a holiday trip, the removal of christmas, to the accelerate thru new year celebration, with each I have been in a rush. On the work front I have been in a hot pursuit to go faster, don’t stop, don’t slow down, don’t.. but yet I have jammed up my brain, I have left fun on the table, I have not enjoyed the journey.. Today I was thinking about the last two weeks and why I don’t feel refreshed at all. Well it’s clear to me now, I have not allowed myself to slow down, I have not listened to my own advise of Less is More. I recently took down most of the lego christmas full table setup. I didn’t take final pictures, I didn’t do a fun zombie attack that we normally love to.. it was all about getting it done and yet I missed the point of doing it all.
Today as I was flipping through my journal I realized that answers to my questions at work were already captured, already written down in my prior moments of silence where I took notes of what my brain was thinking, yet over the last two weeks I couldn’t get to it, I couldn’t stop & see that the answers were there all along. Sometimes I just say WTH Josh, why are you not slowing down to go faster. Why are you not spending more time doing a single task and enjoying every moment. Lately I have been washing my dishes by hand and only doing that, no movie on, no interuptions, just being present washing, drying putting them back away in their places. It has been therapeutic. Yes it was part of my mindfulness training and yet when stress hits you hard I need to revisit my notes, think about my training. Tonight I had the opportunity to have dinner with my daughter, she is bada&& (just saying). we were present, we laughed, we ate, we enjoyed the time together. There were no lectures, there was no stress, it was exactly what life should be like. I did miss my dads call (he’s facetiming now) and for that I will give him a call tomorrow, but I will do the same with him, I will drop everything and be present for that moment, listen to his tales of the new work ventures, hear about hawaii and soak in the moments.
Tonight as I reflect on a few friends that I have lost out of my circle of trust I am not sad, but believe it is for the best. I will not go fast into figuring out why, but I will slow down, embrace what it has become and I will learn, I will not debate myself, I will not degrade myself.. Instead I will smile and know that God is present. Yes I dont’ talk much on religion, but I do believe in God and I know he is present.
So.. let me finish with a thought.. What more could I achieve if I truly slowed down to go faster?
Much love to you all on your journey and if you ever need anything, you know how to track me down..